I wasn’t planning to comment on the whole David Koch breastfeeding issue, but I felt compelled to address it after watching him on his show Sunrise this morning. (Let me say first off this is NOT a breast versus bottle issue, and I actually bottle-fed far more than I breastfed).
As you may or may not know, the morning tv host caused an upset on friday of last week when he said that breastfeeding mothers should be “discreet” and “classy” and make sure to cover up so as to not make others uncomfortable.
Hundreds of Sydney mothers responded by staging a nurse-in outside the studio this morning, and one of the organisers was invited in to discuss it with the hosts live on air. The most important point she made in my opinion was his use of the word discreet. She pointed out to him that by using that word he was attaching shame to the whole idea of breastfeeding. And I think this is the most important thing we need to address.
There is no debate anymore on the benefits of breastfeeding, and every woman who gives birth in a hospital knows it’s best for the health of both herself and her baby. Partners, grandparents, friends, employers, in fact society as a whole, supports and encourages women to breastfeed.
As long as they don’t have to see it.
David Koch explained himself by saying that he is a big supporter of breastfeeding, and pointed out many times that two of his own daughters are currently breastfeeding mums. But Kochie how supportive are you really being of your daughters when you imply that to breastfeed in public in not classy. That it makes people uncomfortable. When your daughters visit you with their babies, do they have to leave the room so as to not make you feel uncomfortable? Because guess what? That’s NOT being supportive.
The real problem with breastfeeding in our society is there is still a certain ickiness at the sight of a baby suckling at a breast which has claimed sexual priority. It’s still all about the breasts and not about the feeding. It’s just a big set of knockers on public display. Breastfeeding is still too primal, too traditional, and too intimate for a lot of people. They prefer the barrier of clothes dividing mum and baby with food coming in the latest bottle designed to MIMIC that same breast which they don’t want to see doing what it is designed for.
I had limited success breastfeeding. My daughter was a breeze and we lasted almost six months, but my sons lasted a total of three months. COMBINED. Kochie’s attitude reminds me of so many of his generation: by all means breastfeed that child but please go and do it in another room. And please close the door while you’re at it. My parents and in-laws “supported” my breastfeeding, but EVERY TIME I went to do it on the couch or in a room where everyone else was, one of them would suggest that “I” would be more comfortable in the bedroom.
And it still pisses me off after all this time, especially when I see it’s still happening. It’s HARD ENOUGH learning how to breastfeed in the first place. It’s hard enough getting out the door with a baby. It’s VERY HARD the first time you brave breastfeeding in public. You DON’T WANT TO FLASH YOUR BOOBS. Especially when they feel jumbo sized, are leaking, covered in blue veins, and we’re still not sure what we’re doing. Every single mother I have ever witnessed breastfeeding in public has been modest. For her own comfort, not anyone else’s. I can say without hesitation that the whole breastfeeding in another room thing was a large factor in my stopping, especially the first time when it was already hard enough. How are people supporting breastfeeding when they walk into a room to find a mother nursing, then gasp in shock or horror, and beat a hasty retreat. This is not supportive.
How do we fix it?
More public breastfeeding.
Our children need to see it, our small sons need to see it and be told that’s normal, natural, and no big deal. Our daughters need to see it so that when it’s their turn they have an example to inspire them. Our grandparents need to see it, really SEE IT, and not feel uncomfortable. It’s not boobs on display, it’s just a hungry baby.
So ask yourself how supportive you really are. Ask yourself what kind of a world we live in when over-sexualised breasts are used to sell EVERYTHING, but breastfeeding can be considered offensive.
Let’s take the words “discreet” and “classy” off the table in relation to breastfeeding. Let’s bring back normal, beautiful, natural, and accepted. Let’s remember that it would be far easier for a mum in public to give her child a bottle. Let’s applaud every single one of them for daring to do what’s right.
Let’s stop talking. And continue feeding.
Ana.
My in-laws did the same with me. Why don’t you extract yourself from all the fun and the adult conversation and go and spend 1 hour in a room alone to feed your son.
Used to piss me off so much!
Yeah, it’s hardly going to encourage you to persevere. My mum was the worst. “Ana cover up”, “go in the room”, made me feels so uncomfortable. But hey, I’M the radical in my family!
I love this on so many levels. I am a big proponent of breastfeeding whenever and wherever baby is hungry, covered or not, however mama can feed baby most comfortably for *them*.
I use a pretty uncouth analogy, but in all honesty – if people are looking at breasts in such a sexual light, then bottles are akin to dildos in their design, and no one bothers telling a bottle-feeding mama to cover her baby for using such a sexualized device. Really, how absurd does that sound?! It’s complete ridiculousness, the lot of it!
I remember trying to use my cover nursing Doodle, and with him flailing, me trying to get him to latch on well enough, everything, it was creating an awful scene and I was probably much more “on display” with parts getting uncovered before babe could get in the right spot. I finally said eff the cover, and I was never a public spectacle again, and most people could barely even notice when I was nursing right next to them.
And as much as I appreciate a parent’s right to choose what to expose their own children to and when, it’s never been an issue for a child to see a baby with a bottle. Kids are crazy smart creatures if we give them credit, and if a parent says to them casually that that’s how that baby drinks his/her milk, kids take that as the fact that it is and lose curiosity in the boob factor. If we cover it and over sexualize the specifics, kids see it as a dirty act and are less inclined to try breastfeeding (the healthier, more sterile, more natural, and ultimately cheaper route to take) for fear of being unclassy, dirty, or sexual with a perfectly normal way to feed a baby.
Sorry about the novel there.
Just had to get that out.
Novels are good, I love novels
I agree with you 100%. I hate that seeing a baby on the breast still has any shock value, while older children don’t even notice a baby on the bottle.
Boobs are apparently only sexy, nothing else. Wrong again.
I say fuck them all! Prudes!
Great blog post.
My experience was a bit different to yours, but my feelings re: the Kochie remarks are similar.
I breastfed all 3 babies for 12 months, 16 months and now 5 months with this last one (still going!). I love it. But it’s interesting because I notice I have evolved somewhat over the course of breastfeeding these 3 babies. With the first I was much more conscious of where I was, and of the need to feed discreetly. I’d be the girl leaving the room like some sort of forbidden woman, and it sort of shit me, but I accepted that it’s easier that way.
Now with number 3, I roll a bit differently I guess. I’m less inclined to move. Now, I just feed whereever I am. I wear clothes that are easy to feed in and I do my thing.
At my (very woggy) in-laws for instance, I tend to say ‘hey I think he needs a feed’ and then stay in the same room. I might just shift away from the group, or grab the chair at the end of the table, but I’m still there because I’m not bloody invisible and why should *I* leave? Get over it. Move on. Nothing to see here. No breastfeeding mum wants to boob flash, trust me. We just want a good feed, people!
The other day while I proceeded to do this, my FIL got a bit funny and made a move to leave the room, thinking that I was perhaps embarrassed. But my husband, my MIL and I all told him to stop being silly and stay. What’s the biggie? I can honestly say that their attitudes have relaxed so much towards breastfeeding – not only the ‘doing’ of it, but also around other myths surrounding feeding such as ‘is your milk strong enough?’. I don’t get these Qs fired at me any more either as there is no doubt – my baby is a little chubber, all thanks to my wonderful boobs!
At the end of the day I think it’s more important for society to see me out there feeding and doing what boobs are meant to do, rather than worry about the one person in 100 that might (shock! horror!) be offended, and scuttle off to a smelly toilet somewhere.
I would *also* very much enjoy ripping that person a new one, should they challenge me on feeding publicly too, I might add…!
Great to hear from you. It is interesting, we do change the more children we have, and as they grow so do we. I think it’s awesome that just by seeing you keep at it your in-laws have got used to it. That’s the only way to do it, make sure they keep seeing it. And there is nothing grandparents love to see more than a chubby baby! I take my hat off to you for how long you have managed to bf, that’s bloody fantastic. Good on you
Here here Ana! Fantastic post.
Thanks
Couldn’t agree more with you, Ana. But then Kochie has been known to commit prattisms LOL
Has he ever!
Totally agree. My in-laws, and even my own mother did it to me when breastfeeding. I also stopped early on because he wasn’t feeding well and I wasn’t comfortable with how long it took him and how often he would detach. That makes it hard in public when you have to keep handling your breast and putting it back in their mouth! Good on you.
It can be so difficult, I only managed any success with one out of four babies. These kind of attitudes, especially from “public” personas is very damaging. Thanks for reading.
When I was born back in 1969 at a Catholic Hospital, my mother was forbidden from breastfeeding in front of my father as the nuns would feel embarrassed.
I breastfed my children in public without too much trouble although I did feel a bit awkward at first. Could care less after awhile. Breastfeeding is just part of life, a natural process and really a beautiful bonding experience between mother and child which shoukd be cherished.
You’re so right, it is all of those things. It still baffles me that it’s even a topic of debate anymore.
Well said Ana! There’s nothing tacky about feeding a hungry baby!
Thanks